For years I’ve heard people talk about how gratitude has helped them in life. By perhaps starting the day thinking about the things they’re grateful for they were happier and more emotionally grounded.
While I could appreciate the value of being grateful for what you have in life, that never felt like something that could help me improve. It never felt practical.
But something distinct changed after releasing Everyday Golf Psychology and I have a new perspective on gratitude and how it could be used as a practical tool.
I typically don’t like to talk about things in this blog that I haven’t tested and worked on with numerous clients – I want some proof that there’s value before sharing it widely.
Today is different. I have a sample size of one – myself – but I’m not sure how often this concept will come up with clients in the near future, so why wait? Maybe many of you are ready for this just like I was.
For a long time, I gave myself the freedom to succumb to my C-game. I didn’t want it to happen of course, but I didn’t fear the struggle, frustration, or pain. I wanted to test the integrity of what I had built, find out what was strong and what was still too weak. Ups and downs were constant, but my growth was steady. I continually sucked less and got stronger with each step.
Lately, I’ve had a shift and it’s a byproduct of my work on Everyday Golf Psychology.
The roots of the golf book were deeply personal for me. I learned the game of golf from my grandfather and have been playing for nearly 40 years. I’ve played numerous tournaments, played in college, and it’s been a huge part of my family and my life. While writing the book, I worked through lingering issues I had in my golf performance.
I’m incredibly proud of it and of the amazing reviews it’s getting from some of the best instructors in the game. So much has been cleaned out that my appetite for aggressively exploring the lows has vanished. I’m still willing to do it if needed, but that’s not the primary motivation right now.
Instead, I want more of my energy devoted to driving top-end performance. I want to see how good I can become, both as a golfer and a coach.
Remarkably, my visual acuity on the golf course has advanced. The precision with which, for example, I can read the nuances of a chip shot, especially those that are particularly challenging, is noticeably different. I can see subtle influences with greater clarity, feeding my body, my hands, my touch, my feel of the shot better than I ever have. This isn’t happening all the time, but the heights of my A-game are advancing, and I’m excited by the potential.
(The results are starting to show – I won the club championship by nine shots, won a qualifier for the Philadelphia Stroke Play Amateur by two shots, and my handicap has dropped to a career low +3.5.)
In my coaching, I’ve always been driven to give my clients my best, but now I’m understanding subtleties better there too. I can better anticipate problems to help clients avoid setbacks, or reduce the severity of their reactions. I’m reviewing interviews to sharpen communication and make my points tighter.
In this process, gratitude began spontaneously. I was grateful for my tactics over the years because they got me to this point. I was grateful that I had the awareness and wherewithal to give myself what I needed.
Then I saw gratitude as a way to strengthen and improve my B-game.
B-game is automatically forged by avoiding C-game, but it also gets stronger by acknowledging the strength therein.
Recognizing progress, accomplishments, growth and improvement is something that I’ve talked a lot about over the years as an essential tactic for perfectionists and those with high expectations. I’ve struggled at times with these same issues, and not giving myself credit for what I’ve done.
I remember one of the first big golf tournaments I won the summer after my Sophomore year of college. I was elated when the final putt dropped, but by the time I got in the car, I could only think to myself, “It’s not the U.S. Open, so…”
What a crime. No wonder I struggled under pressure in big national events, my confidence wasn’t strong enough to handle those rounds because what I had earned, at least in my mind, wasn’t all that valuable.
I’ve done the Perfectionism Worksheet/Accomplishment Work I’ve prescribed to others. And while it made a significant difference that work takes time and effort.
Gratitude is an alternative way of acknowledging strength: what I’ve accomplished, my experience, my character, and other aspects of myself and my skills that can get underrecognized day-to-day. This has been especially helpful to reframe times when I’m struggling.
I’m grateful that I get to take on a new challenge because it means I’ve done a lot of work to even get here.
I’m grateful for the perspective that I have in solving problems.
I’m grateful that I understand my B-game well enough to recognize it quickly.
Gratitude adds a bit of positivity to moments of weakness and fuel for my drive towards maximizing my potential.
Intellectually, I know my potential will never be fully realized. So long as growth is a constant, the heights of my potential are not capped. But sometimes my previous drive to realize my potential was filled with unrealistic dreams, visions, and fantasies that tainted my process.
Gratitude and unrealistic expectations can’t coexist. Being grateful for the strength in my B and C-game and what helped develop that strength is practical. It’s real. There’s no room for something unrealistic to take hold.
It’s tough to strive towards top-end potential solely through the avoidance of C-game. I now see how gratitude plants the seeds, gives the pats on the back, and recognizes that which had been taken for granted.
It’s lighter. Easier. And I can feel my motivation coiling upwards.
Gratitude didn’t get me here. And I don’t believe that gratitude should ever be used to compensate for genuine weakness. When you have real issues, positivity alone can’t do the dirty work needed to make necessary corrections. In fact, it can block you from fixing what needs to be fixed for long-term results.
As the harder back-end work is replaced by a drive towards the top, however, I need some encouragement from time-to-time. Gratitude for what has gotten me to this point – my skills, my ability to spend time developing them, my resolve – is giving me that.
Yes, this blog is a little bit premature. I’m a sample size of one. Consider this less as hardened advice and more as an experiment, and when you’re driving yourself higher the road forward isn’t predetermined.
Try it out and see what you find. Affirm strength. Be practical. Start the day with a drive towards your peak and be spontaneous when you need a boost of motivation, focus, or confidence.
Together, let’s see how high we can climb.
If you’d like my blog delivered right to your inbox, click here to be added to the list.
